Photo Friday: How I See Myself

" You run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking and racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older, shorter of breath, and one day closer to death." -Pink Floyd

This is a feeling that I've been able to relate to even at the ripe old age of 14. In ninth grade, I was a shy, withdrawn little girl with a reputation for trouble. The jocks use to make fun of me, calling me names like stoner and dopehead [I don't do that stuff anymore]. I had a bad habit of sleeping through most of my classes which must have irritated my teachers, but I was never disruptive to the rest of the class, so they usually left me alone. The classes were large, and there was usually some other kid that required more attention. I would just sit at the back of the room and keep to myself.

My English teacher, Miss Daniels, was one teacher, though, that made an impression on me. At the end of the year she gave the class an assignment to write a composition about any poem of our choice. It would count as a major part of our grade for that grading period. I chose this song by Pink Floyd. I don't know if she even knew who Pink Floyd was, but she was so impressed with my paper that she announced to the class that she was giving me the highest grade. I remember being very embarrassed, but that was not really the impression she left with me. She wrote a letter to my parents praising me and discussing my potential to do so much more. She saw something in me that I couldn't see at the time, and since then that has inspired me to try do more.

Sadly, though, I seem to have this uncanny ability to sabotage my own efforts. Even when I have over come so many major obstacles in my life, I still find myself running and running to catch up with the sun. I have the strength and determination to get me just so far, and then I let things like guilt prevent me from succeeding. Things that I thought I had already dealt with and overcame only to find I have a long way to go, and time keeps slipping away.