Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts

Monday, January 28, 2019

Doodle Therapy

These are some of my doodles using the Automatic Drawing Technique that I mentioned in the previous post, where I try to draw without thinking about what to draw, and let my subconscious take over. I usually spend about 20 or 30 minutes on them, and then try to decipher any subconscious meaning they might have. The deciphering happens this way - When I open my writing journal and then look back at the drawing, I write down the first 2 words or phrases that come to mind. Then, I just start writing about my day. Generally the meaning starts to come to me, but then I'll either look up the 2 words in the thesaurus or some of the images in a dream dictionary, or both.

Processing Death - colored pencil

Regeneration - colored pencil

Alienation - ball point pen
This last one, I spent several hours on, because I had found that place again, that I knew as a child, where the hours would just slip away in peacefulness. It's been years since I've felt that way while drawing, and it felt good. When it was done, I remember thinking, "wow, I had forgotten how much fun this was."

I was talking with a friend about it the next day, and we came to the conclusion that as self employed business owners, we had gotten in the habit of planning everything, including our art. It's been about 5 years since I first started trying intuitive art methods with finger painting, and I'm just now starting to break that habit of planning everything in advance. It amazes me that what I took for granted as a child, has been such a struggle to get back.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

January Moon



left behind

the news of your passing
leaves them silent
but there’s no one left to preach to
so a stranger gives your eulogy
left behind
forgotten
because of years spent in memory’s effusion

life’s elemental scream
fades to a whispered prayer of confusion
a final exhalation
that no one hears


January Moon

shadowy fingers of night sky
unveil a swollen moon
with memories no longer to be recalled
their mother is gone

sharp angled barren branches
hint at this January moon’s frigidity
whose white hot passion
casts shadows on spray painted concrete
where I live


It seems to me that people are generally drawn to poetry that rhymes, so I rewrote the above poems to make the rhyming one below. Which do you prefer?

January Moon Rhyme

Night’s shadowy fingers unveil
A moon swollen with memories
Clouded recollection is impaled,
On the spires of winter stark trees.

News of your passing lingers,
Silencing those who knew you.
Your eulogy is given by a stranger;
There’s no one left to preach to.

Left behind, moon light raids
Years spent in memory’s effusion,
Your intrinsic scream fades
To a whispered prayer of confusion.

Final exhalation, this January moon
Hints at abysmal frigidity,
White hot quiescence carves a rune
That no one will ever see.

Shadows cast, their tales forgotten,
On dark empty streets of your begotten.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Mom



today
a warm bosom pillow
will cradle tears no more
today whispered poetry
is scattered by the wind
a woman on the night shift
watches another
exhale for the last time
raw eyes sigh tears of relief

she taught me to double tape boxes
-moving to keep up with life-
how to stack dishes
to minimize damage
got to keep moving

“life is moving so much faster now, mom
I think I’m beginning to understand
I miss you
I love you
farewell”

Friday, February 27, 2009

Rants and Vents




laying in a bed of piss

cradle of birth
dried up
prolapsed -
once nurtured
topiary progeny
now lays in a
bed of piss

fruited heirs
drop buds of blame
divesting their guilt
“She did this to herself”
angry at her for
being angry at them


Cured

how many times
will you be cured?!
do you really think
I’m that stupid?
how many excuses
repeated time and again?
do you really think
I’ll come running?

you’re so much holier than me
God has chosen you
above all the sick and dying
healed, yet
you can not control the voices

you can not keep a job
you alienate those who care
do you really think
I’d believe you’ve been blessed?!


I Can Choose Not To Listen

“Thank you Jesus, for healing me”
He cries out
Wanting more pain meds
Refuses to take his psychotic meds
Doesn’t care how the hospital bill gets paid

“Just be strong and take care of things”
Clueless fatherly advice
Running thousands of miles away, so
He won’t see the mess he’s left
Thinks he can buy respect

Two generations of
Self righteous rhetoric
Spat out
Condescending benevolence for
Their own benefit

At my expense

Thursday, April 3, 2008

My Sister Visits My Mother



"Baby's black and blue."
The distubing absurdity is hurled
From a quietly distorted world,
Where vacuous stares ensue.

Absurd or abstruse?
Daughter or granddaughter?
Covert vipers have caught her
In her mother's pit, morose and recluse.

"You need your mother's attention",
Vibrates through the verbotem venom
In her own wound's festering plenum,
To the one suffering from her abstraction.

"Baby's black and blue."
Cryptic cries will be concealed no longer.
Her daughters will be stronger,
And abscond her abyss of bewildered rue.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Illustration Friday: Remember 2



I've not been happy with anything I've done lately. If anybody has any critiques or suggestions, I would appreciate them.



Updated: 6-5-07 Thanks Mary for the suggestion. I moved everything over and added some shadows.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Illustration Friday: Remember


My mom, who is suffering from Alzheimer's, asked me once, "Why live an entire lifetime only to loose the memories in the end?" It makes you think about how important the ability to remember really is to the purpose of life. You stop growing and stop living when you stop remembering. In her more lucid moments, she's just biding her time.

Technically she hasn't really lost all her memories, though I'm sure it must feel that way to her sometimes. They have just been confused, distorted, and jumbled like this picture. Some of the memories never even happened, which I think demonstrates how powerful the human spirit's will to live is.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Mom's Page 2

This is part of a project I've been wanting to do for a while now, but kept putting off. Mary Sebbins Taitt's post "Thinking Of My Mother" has motivated me to work on it. She just recently lost her mother, and I can only imagine what she must be going through.

My mother has Alzheimer's, and I know the time I have left with her is limited. She was an artist, also. I say "was", but she still likes to color. When I go visit her, that's what we do. The background in this piece is her work. The activity director at the nursing home makes copies of pages from coloring books for the residents to color.

















I'm feeling compelled now to vent my frustration with the system that my mom is dependent on for her care. I don't normally write politically oriented commentaries, but I'm appalled by the ineptitude [I couldn't think of a better word; feel free to insert your own] of our Social Security/Medicare/Medicaid system to take care of our elderly. How can a woman who was born in this country, worked all her life and never used welfare, and has been qualified for this system for several years now suddenly not qualify!?
Let me back up and give a little history. My mom was already receiving SS when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I took care of her myself, but had to work, so I wasn't with her all the time. When her dementia got worse, I was able to get her qualified for an in-home care program designed to keep the elderly at home and out of the nursing homes. Her cognizant skills improved considerably after having a care taker come to the home a couple of hours a day five days a week. Then one day the omnipotent powers that be decided to assign her a new case worker. This new case worker, Donald Lockhart, decided with his infinite wisdom that my mother didn't qualify for this program. It was a mistake. "We don't babysit the elderly", he said. "Then what the hell do you do", I screamed back at him. He gave me some "by the book" answer, but basically it's left up to the case worker's discretion. Within a few months of his decision, she declined to the point that I was no longer able to care for her, and we had to put her in a nursing home. Now the tax payers are paying thousands of dollars a month instead of hundreds for her care, but that's not what upset me the most. We could have delayed the progression of the disease for a little while. We're talking about a human life that Mr. Lockhart obviously wasn't concerned about.
Well, it's been a couple of years since that decision. We finally found a home with a good activity program. She even showed some improvement again for a little while, but now there's a possibility that she's going to lose this care as well. Social Security has stopped her checks. They say she doesn't qualify, but they won't tell me why. They don't recognize Power of Attorney, so they won't talk to me. The nursing home thinks they may be able to find out why. They have forms my mom can sign allowing the nursing home to receive information. The lady that's helping us thinks her checks were stopped because she worked for the school district for a couple of years. The school district has their own retirement system which my mom doesn't receive. I've been told, though, that if SS upholds their decision, she will be cut off from her Medicare and Medicaid as well. Worse case scenario, the nursing home will pressure the family to come get her. If we don't, they'll call Adult Protective Services. How can our government spend millions of dollars on young mothers who have never worked a day in their lives, or illegal aliens and their children, and then deny my mother needed care!?