Illustration Friday: Moon and Poem

I've been on vacation and still trying to recover, so I thought I'd combine the last two topics. Below are the original photos I used to make this collage.

Geraniums for Mary

This is the view from my computer. My geraniums aren't doing very well right now. They need some fresh soil. To see the geraniums that Mary posted, click here.

Mary has given me some wonderful advice on dream interpretation here. Because of her help, I've written this poem about a subsequent dream. For more about these dreams see the post right before this one.

Who are you? What do you have to hide?
Why are you helping me now? What made you decide
To help him deceive me? In you he confides.

I know him well. He gave me respect.
I reverted back to old ways after he left.
I know better, but my heart's not figuring out
The judgement conversions that my mind is weighing out.
My scale's inaccurate, so to strangers I turn.
I'm waisting their time, and nothing I learn.
I replace him with my work to calibrate the scale,
Then I turn to you when all else fails.

Who are you? And why do you hesitate?
Why are you loyal to him? He's just your workmate.
I begged him to come back, and at first he says no,
Then he reconsiders, but has no respect to show.
Now our life is the way it used to be,
But we don't talk about his infidelity.
I've found self respect, and we don't communicate.
His presence is not enough to calibrate.

Who are you? And why did you help him leave?
Why do you help me now when previously you deceive?
You can calibrate the scale now that I'm bereaved.

It's like a riddle. Does anyone know the answer?

Illustration Friday: Discovery

Mrs. Rabbit is discovering that the abuse and rape from her childhood is still affecting her.

Here are some interesting dream image symbolisms.

• Stairs: changes and transformations, the bottom is the unconscious, the top consciousness, landings are the dreamer's energy centers.
• Neck: connection between mind and heart.
• Death: a necessary end has come and there's a need to come to terms with it, or a limit has been reached and the dreamer doesn't know how to go beyond it, or something is dying inside.
• Dead person: unconscious incidents.
• Insects: deeply rooted unconscious content, a sign of nervousness and unconscious fears, a warning against living carelessly. [not sure about mating insects, the image just seem to fit the poem below]
• Rabbit: weak and fearful, needs protection.

Push it in until I choke
Shove it down my throat
To you love is just a jaded joke
On a more intellectual note

Dominate to have your way
Twisting everything I say
Complaining about the way I play
Belittling me where I lay

My fear is just a "cop out"
"For something I don't want to do"
Build a bond that's easily thrown out
Like broken rules in search of truth

Sex isn't that important to love
But can create it without trust
We underestimate the power of
An act that begins with lust

I can't believe I've come back to this
I thought I had gotten over it
After years of marital bliss
I'm like a dog returning to it's vomit

Photo Friday: Barren

"There's an empty space where you used to be..."
Listening to "Still Got The Blues" by Gary Moore.

Illustration Friday: Geeky

I had perfect vision all my life until I started blogging. My friends keep telling me," that's what happens after 40." Does that mean that everyone over 40 is geeky? What's so geeky about glasses anyway? By the way, I'm not getting old! I'm blaming this on the blogging.

This collage is a product of experimenting with my scanner, which was entirely too much fun. Don't tell me I'm geeky for doing this. I got the idea from Karen over at Art In The Garage.

Photo Friday: Busy

Knock, knock... "Can you come out and play?"
" I'm busy."

The early bird....

Book Quiz I found on Digital Scott's Blog

You're Adventures of Huckleberry Finn!

by Mark Twain

With an affinity for floating down the river, you see things in black
and white. The world is strange and new to you and the more you learn about it, the less
it makes sense. You probably speak with an accent and others have a hard time
understanding you and an even harder time taking you seriously. Nevertheless, your
adventurous spirit is admirable. You really like straw hats.

To see Digital Scott's click here

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Illustration Friday: Twist

Photo Friday: Gray

Dear Mike, the trees are lost in the gray
That surrounds them today.
Barren branches strain upward with a cry
To a frozen and lifeless sky
Praying for a brighter day.

Cypress roots are stuck in a muddy bog below;
Don't know which way to go.
Their knees rise up in search of solace
Uncertain of their purpose
In this lonely winter cold.

This season of solitude no lover can defeat;
You've left me incomplete.
I wander through the trees aimlessly
Getting bored shamelessly
With every man I meet.

Spanish moss desperately cling as the wind blows through
Like I cling to you.
But, now your ashes have grown cold,
With nothing left to hold,
I need someone to talk to.

Beneath reflections a decaying log with dead leaves
Whose color the bog bereaves.
I'm stuck in a world of wintry dead,
A shivering stillness inside my head,
And cries you once consoled, no one else perceives.

These photos and poem are a few years old, but I am posting them today in memory of my husband. Today is the anniversary of his death.

Illustration Friday: Camouflage

Alot of people in IF illustrated nature's camouflage. Here's mine.

The Big Thicket

What the camera sees...


What I see.

Photo Friday: Dream

The Haunted Bed

In the metapsychology of a dream
So terrifying I can't scream,
Against inner demons I strain.

They reach out from the mattress on which I lie,
Paralyzing me while you die,
And inflict you with agonizing pain.

I hear the thud as you hit the floor next to me.
My fruitless struggle last an eternity,
And I can feel your life wane.

Metaphysical hands squeeze me into the bed.
Supernatural strength suffocates me with dread
While watching you over and over again in vain.

I know it's a dream, but I cannot wake.
Trapped in a horrifyingly helpless state
Somewhere between conciousness and the inane.

This week is my friend, Lynda's, first post for Photofriday.

Illustration Friday: Rejection

In the desolate winter gray
I can see the brilliance of your eyes
As you look my way,
But it's my isolation that belies
The memory of a lighter day.

My imagination has been imbued
With visions of a tender kiss,
Long ago missed
In the torment of my solitude.
You don't want to notice me anymore;
The awkwardness has soared
To a burdensome magnitude.

Now my faculties fade away.
I'm entranced by your glance,
And alienated as you play.
Desperately wanting another chance
To relive the life of a lighter day.

Photo Friday: Active

I went to the arboretum yesterday even though it rained. I needed some quiet time with nature. I needed to spend it in my garden.

Though she can't speak
She cries out very much.
Velvet petals of red and pink
Reach out for my touch.

Tender seedlings struggle
For their place in my garden.
Against a weeded jungle
My heart has hardened.

She senses my presence;
Flourishes when I'm there.
I'm quieted by her essence
In return for her care.

Pushing fingers through soil,
My cells will rejuvenate.
It's for love I should toil;
A spiritual connection to cultivate.

But I have neglected her,
And myself likewise.
Physically we need each other.
It's our Life Source we recognize.

Photo Friday: Purity

The unspoiled waters of the Caribbean have up to 100 ft. visibility.

Another Nightmare

This was a very disturbing nightmare I had recently. I don't remember most of it. I only remember being in a strange house, standing atop a staircase, and seeing my late husband lying at the bottom dead with his neck broken. It was so horrifying!

My sister said she heard a strange house can be symbolic of new situations or unfamiliar territory psychologically. My husband may only be symbolic of financial security. "Why does my subconscious have to be so morbid about it?!" I asked. She said, "maybe that's the only way it knows how to get your attention." Well it's definitely got my attention.

My naturopath feels that my health and success [or lack of it] are being affected by some emotional issues related to my husband's death. I agree, but don't really know how to go about dealing with this, so I thought I would use my art as therapy. Unfortunately, I've not been happy with anything I've done lately. I'm not sure why.

This illustration bothers me. I don't know if it's because it so disturbing or if it's just not very good. Is it too colorful? Should it be darker to fit the dream? Does the background go with the style of the foreground?

I chose the background for personal reasons rather than for affect. I'm not sure it works, though. It's a photograph of Enchanted Rock, a place where my husband and I used to love to go. Back then, he always took the photos because, well, I just wasn't very good at it. This photo, however, is one that I took the only time that I've been back since his passing. I'm hoping to get an unbiased opinion. What do you think?

Illustration Friday: Your Paradise 2

My paradise.

I have recently volunteered to be on the board of directors for a charity organization called Friends of the Poor Orphaned Children. Right now we're involved in a project that is building a school for poor children in Cambodia. The children there have to pay to go to public schools, and many can't afford to. Alot of them live on the streets with either no father or no parents at all. What really touched my heart was that these children will walk for miles every day to the place where the school is being built, and beg the monks to teach them.

In our country, even the poor take school for granted. Many children drop out with no desire to improve their lot in life. To the children in Cambodia, this must seem like Paradise.

Illustration Friday: Your Paradise

The Forbidden Lake





a very bizarre dream about a lake that would make me forget all my pain

Photo Friday: How I See Myself

" You run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking and racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older, shorter of breath, and one day closer to death." -Pink Floyd

This is a feeling that I've been able to relate to even at the ripe old age of 14. In ninth grade, I was a shy, withdrawn little girl with a reputation for trouble. The jocks use to make fun of me, calling me names like stoner and dopehead [I don't do that stuff anymore]. I had a bad habit of sleeping through most of my classes which must have irritated my teachers, but I was never disruptive to the rest of the class, so they usually left me alone. The classes were large, and there was usually some other kid that required more attention. I would just sit at the back of the room and keep to myself.

My English teacher, Miss Daniels, was one teacher, though, that made an impression on me. At the end of the year she gave the class an assignment to write a composition about any poem of our choice. It would count as a major part of our grade for that grading period. I chose this song by Pink Floyd. I don't know if she even knew who Pink Floyd was, but she was so impressed with my paper that she announced to the class that she was giving me the highest grade. I remember being very embarrassed, but that was not really the impression she left with me. She wrote a letter to my parents praising me and discussing my potential to do so much more. She saw something in me that I couldn't see at the time, and since then that has inspired me to try do more.

Sadly, though, I seem to have this uncanny ability to sabotage my own efforts. Even when I have over come so many major obstacles in my life, I still find myself running and running to catch up with the sun. I have the strength and determination to get me just so far, and then I let things like guilt prevent me from succeeding. Things that I thought I had already dealt with and overcame only to find I have a long way to go, and time keeps slipping away.

Illustration Friday: Cars

Ever had one of those dreams where you're in a moving vehicle and no one's driving? I usually wake up while I'm trying to climb into the front seat and grab the steering wheel.

Illustration Friday: Citrus

Lemon Song by Led Zepplin

A quick pastel sketch in my sketch book taken from a photo on Robert Plant's web site. I wasn't in the mood for drawing. I may redo it later. Not happy with the lemon juice.

Another lizard and me

You're probably thinking I have way too much free time. Not so. I'm just not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Look Who's Come To Visit

I keep my camera set up on my desk, looking out my window, waiting for visitors, while on my computer.

As a gardener, I should be mad about this little visitor to my garden, but he's so cute.

Psychedelic Lizards

tribute to the Lizard King :]

they needed more color

Photo Friday: Amber 2

A couple of months ago I helped my sister move back here to Texas from New Jersey. I took this photo while driving along the way. My sister took the camera away from me saying it was too dangerous to do that while driving, and then proceeded to text message her boyfriend when it was her turn to drive. Not bad for shooting through a car windshield on a road trip.

Photo Friday: Amber

amber raindrops

Photo Friday: Smoke

I finally got my camera back! Yea!!! Hopefully this will end the 2 month funk I've been in. Here's a new photo of my favorite incense burner. I call him Puff. Yes, I have names for all my Dragons. My idea was to use a flashlight when I photographed this, but I was unable to locate any. Too many roommates over the years, I guess. However, I did find an elastic head band with a small spot light on it that was given to me by Gary and Ellen for gardening in the dark. Don't ask. It worked perfectly, and I like how it turned the smoke blue. No Gary, I was not wearing it on my head when I took the photo. :]

Illustration Friday: Remember 2

I've not been happy with anything I've done lately. If anybody has any critiques or suggestions, I would appreciate them.

Updated: 6-5-07 Thanks Mary for the suggestion. I moved everything over and added some shadows.

Illustration Friday: Remember

My mom, who is suffering from Alzheimer's, asked me once, "Why live an entire lifetime only to loose the memories in the end?" It makes you think about how important the ability to remember really is to the purpose of life. You stop growing and stop living when you stop remembering. In her more lucid moments, she's just biding her time.

Technically she hasn't really lost all her memories, though I'm sure it must feel that way to her sometimes. They have just been confused, distorted, and jumbled like this picture. Some of the memories never even happened, which I think demonstrates how powerful the human spirit's will to live is.

Illustration Friday: Fortune

It's two weeks too late. This is so frustrating. I have so many ideas and no time to work on them. I had some ideas for Illustration Friday's Polar also, but probably won't get around to them. Below is my first idea for this topic. It's so corny that I should explain myself...


It was Sunday, April 15th. I had just finished giving the IRS my life savings. A local pizza joint arranged for a free copy of our local newspaper to be delivered to my door, which always brightens a melancholy day for me because I like reading the comics. [If any of my clients are reading this, I can't imagine how the local pizza joint got my home address on their list, wink, wink.]

I came across an article about the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie. For those who have never heard of it, it's an animated series on Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network, and the main characters are a shake, order of fries, and a meat wad. The article called the movie "an order of absurdity - supersized". I love all these off-the-wall, ridiculous, so stupid it's funny cartoons, so I forced myself to read something besides comics and actually read the article. It quoted the maker of the cartoon as saying, "the film's real message, however, is that movies are easy to make and anyone can do them in their basements...".

"Ok," I say to myself, " I'm in the wrong line of work!" Especially when you consider my love for pizza. That's the inspiration for this post. Don't worry. I won't be quitting my job any time soon.